Ruminating

Do you dwell on things? Or ruminate?

I certainly do. It seems like about 60% of my mental activity is rumination, or dwelling on the same few things over and over again.

These are the things I think about over and over again, gnawing on them like a bone:

-Dissatisfying friendships

-Unhappy family relationships

-Unsatisfactory working conditions

-The poor state of the world

-Upsetting stories of cruelty to animals and children

-The oceans are dying

-The tigers are vanishing from the earth

-Wolves are dying out

-How my writing is going

-Where my writing career is going

-I have no writing career

And that’s mostly it.

Not a single item on that list above is pleasant or positive. They’re all awful.

And I think about them all constantly.

I am starting to now focus on my thought patterns, and what I ruminate about. I used to feel guilty if I didn’t think about and worry about certain important things–like I was ignoring them if I didn’t dwell on them constantly.

Basically, a lot of the above is conscientious WORRYING. If I don’t worry, then I’m a bad person.

Well, they’re all worrisome things. Child abuse is a very worrying thing. People should worry.

“Worry” means to gnaw on the bone, which is interesting. I just can’t let these bones go.

Today I am trying to drop these bones and not dwell so much on the list above.

My thoughts tend to do a lot of circling when occupied with the items listed above. I have the same thoughts over and over again.

What I desire to achieve now is clarity.

What am I dwelling on? How many of these thoughts are the same thoughts over and over again? How many of these thoughts are downers?

Now, I plan to address my negative concerns about family, friendships, work, and my writing life directly, and to stop ruminating on them ad nauseam. I am going to land that plane!

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Yours,
M